Hello peeps, hope you’re all good?

 

How Wars Should Be Fought

 

Now some of you may have already seen this as it’s from last year but as I’m a bit of a time traveller I’ve only just noticed. Al-Qaeda set up an online magazine targeted at lone wolf terrorists and uploaded instructions on how to ‘Make a bomb in the Kitchen of your Mom’ (which kind of sounds a little wrong) by ‘The AQ Chef’. MI6 were aware of the website and got its hackers to change it so when people tried to download the 67 page bomb making instructions they ended up downloading cupcake recipes. I’m loving MI6’s sense of humor, though in all seriousness I think all wars should be fought with cupcakes as let’s face it how could you get annoyed with someone who throws cakes at you (unless you wear your best clothes to war)

 

 

The only problem with this is people would want to go to war and we’d end up running out of cake which is like whoa!

 

Dr Evils Money Seized

 

Italian police have seized a Dr Evil amount of fake US Treasury Bonds ($6 trillion) from a Swiss bank vault. I mean seriously why would you need that much, I personally think they just had a faulty printer (you know the ones where it refuses to print when you ask it to so you click print multiple times and then all of a sudden it prints off 11 copies of how to change a light bulb). Eight people have had warrants issued out against them for fraud and other financial crimes. The suspects are accused of credit card forgery, counterfeiting bonds, usury and killing the Amazon rainforest.

 

Right that’s all for this week as I’m hungry and need to change the light bulb before it gets dark

Much Love

The Weird Guy

Swansea university had so many complaints about their toilets being dirty  that they put up toilet training posters for students to study. Luckily they now know how to use them properly. In case you weren’t sure how to use one below is a copy of the poster:

 

 

 

In Japan they decided to take up some training in case a rhino escaped it’s enclosure:

 

 

Luckily no rhinos were harmed in the training so you don’t need to worry

Sorry it’s short this week

Much Love

The Weird Guy

Bonjour les Beaux Gens

 

If you’re looking to ask out a certain special someone via a Valentine’s card this year but you don’t have much money, don’t fret you can get a card for £0.07 (a certain ladies man’s number if you haven’t noticed) from ASDA as shown below (Pic: Solent):

 

 

I’m actually very tempted to get this card for a very special lady in my life who has so far rejected my marriage proposals, as I can tell this will pave the way to her heart.

 

Now if you want to get that very special person’s heart to soften then maybe get them a bunny like the sheep herding one in the video below:

 

 

If they don’t like bunnies then find something more to their taste, it’s just a matter of considering what their interests are and getting a gift unique to them, for instance if the special person is the person below you could get them some help:

 

 

Sadly like myself; some of you may be rejected at which point I’m suggesting we try out a 1825 beer recipe that equates to the cost of 11p per pint. The ingredient amounts are for the equivalent of 72 pints which include; a peck of barley, 4oz of hops, 7lbs of treacle and several gallons of boiling water. It’s also recommended to leave the brew to ferment for 7 days. No one has yet measured the potency of the beer meaning drinking it would be at your own risk so you could unfortunately or fortunately (depending on which way you looked at it) end up waking up in bed next to a nurse (the trials of love gentlemen it’s such a hard task but we’ve all got to do it).

 

That is all for today as I need to buy some Nutella before it snows

Beaucoup D’Amour

The Weird Guy

Hey peeps how are you?

 

All Things Spiders

Now to most of us spiders have a bad name they should have been called Jeffrey instead but take a look at what Jeffreys have done for us (apart from giving us Spiderman which is something special in itself):

 

Now for all the fashionable people among us check out this cape made by over 1.2 million female golden orb spiders (not sure why they’re the female ones maybe they like fashion more than the male ones). It took over four years to make and was hand woven by Simon Peers and Nicholas Godley. In case you want to see the cape in person it will be on show at the Victoria and Albert museum in London. If you love spiders and feel bad for the spiders having to spin that much silk; each day Simon and Nicholas would collect some of the golden orb spiders from the wild in their native Madagascar to spin some of the silk and then put them back at the end of the day for them to continue in their lives.

 

 

In this next part if you love candy floss you’re going to love spiders for these candy floss trees. Due to flooding in Pakistan millions of spiders climbed up into the trees in order to escape the rising water levels.  The spider’s webs have covered the branches and have created a candy floss effect though if I’m being honest it’s not real candy floss (but ssshhhh!!! don’t tell anyone it’s our secret). Anyway before any of you get your dusters out to clear the webs from the trees their webs are a real life saver for the humans who live in this region of Sindh. Due to the stagnant still water around the area some of you may be aware it is a perfect area for malaria carrying mosquitoes. The spider webs are thought to be catching the majority of the mosquitoes and thus decreasing a large proportion of Malaria related deaths in the region. Yeah take that mosquitoes you’ve been Jeffreyed

 

 

Star Wars Uncut

 

Now as this is for Atomic Nerd we need something a little nerdy so check out the new ‘Star Wars Uncut’ created by thousands of Star Wars fans. The idea was put together by Star Wars fan Casey Pugh who cut the film into 472 15 second segments and asked other fans to put together their own versions of the segments. Casey then selected the segments and put them together in a full feature length fan made version of the film. So if you’re a Star Wars fanatic check it out as it’s worth a few laughs :

 

 

Have fun

Much Love

The Weird Guy

OXO – its all gravy

Hello all weird ‘n’ wonderful readers :) I hope you’ve had a good week?

 

 

Anyway onto some weird stuff: when in Prague…

 

Get a pint from the beer train. This is one of the best things I’ve ever seen in a bar and is actually the reason why Prague is now on my bucket list and also on Matt & Alex’s (even though they don’t know it as yet). A £500k 1300ft model train set which includes tunnels, towns and trees has been installed in the Vytopna restaurant, Prague in order to deliver people’s beverages to their tables. Check out a few seconds of it in action below:

 

 

…In case you were worrying they’re not real trees which means wet leaves will not stop your pints journey on its way to you

 

 

A Real Page Turner

 

Check out this novel Wallace and Gromit style (though not as good) way to turn a newspaper page over:

 

 

Can you imagine how annoyed he will be when he realises how long it took him to set it up only to find that the next page is full of Viagra adverts though ironically it might help perk him up a bit (cheese)

 

 

The Raving Church

 

Quite literally… The All Saints church in Stockholm, Sweden has started playing techno music instead of hymns during their services in order to attract a younger following. The idea was thought up by the vicar Olle Idestrom which has seen their church become a temple for Christians and ravers a like.

 

 

 

In case the techno church is getting you into a clubbing mood here’s a master of moves in action:

 

 

…Ok maybe I meant movies but I still learnt my best moves from him

Right i’m off to perfect my moves,

Much Love

The Weird Guy

A Genius’s Mind

Have you ever wondered what goes on inside a genius like Professor Stephen Hawking’s head? Well he like I thinks about women which led him to the same conclusion as I had: ‘Women. They are a complete mystery’. Yes that’s right people I’m comparing myself with the Prof because I’m a legend… okay maybe I’m fibbing a little bit as I’m more of a leg end than a legend but at least i’m nearing journalistic status . Anyway back to the subject in hand, in an interview with the New Scientist magazine to mark the Hawkster’s 70^th birthday he was asked ‘What do you think most about during the day?’ to which he replied (the before mentioned) ‘Women. They are a complete mystery’. Luckily for us Atomic Nerds we have Alex’s Dating Tips video to keep us on track in the world of women

 

Thieves better off on benefits?

Thieves created a real life bank job and dug  a 100ft tunnel in order to get to a cash machine, unfortunately for them there was limited funds in the cash machine meaning the six months that detectives estimated it could’ve taken them to dig the tunnel may have been a waste of time and may have left them better off on benefits. Lol gutted

 

Tokyo, Tokyo, Wherefore Art Thou Tokyo?

The Japanese have continued their love affair with British ways and history by creating a Shakespeare theme park just outside of Tokyo. The theme park includes a replica Globe Theatre, the houses that Shakespeare lived in, plus some windmills (not sure why – maybe just because we had some back in Shakespearean times) and formal gardens. With there already being a English church on the 21st floor of a skyscraper with couples paying £8k to have a English wedding will there be an end to their interest in our ways? Though saying that I don’t think i’ve heard of any English pubs as yet - Laura can you have a look around for one when you’re out there?

 

OK which one of you guys has been secretly filming me in my camel suit again… it’s not cool to post it on youtube:

 

 

Au Revoir

The Weird Guy